#Financial process for couples finances how to#
#Financial process for couples finances series#

When we think about things with a long-term view, they become more palatable in the short run. In our marriage, we know there will be months and years in which I'm the primary breadwinner-and vice versa. How much you earn, how much money you have, what you save, and what your assets look like-will all change over time. It's worth the initial discomfort.Īfter all, you and your companion have likely decided to spend the rest of your lives together, and that's a long time. Despite the difficulty, it's been one of the most helpful things for my partner and me. Learning to zoom out when you're thinking about money is a revolutionary shift in perspective-and it's hard to do.

#Financial process for couples finances series#

Like Fadiloglulari and Corbillet, we had to have a series of very vulnerable (and uncomfortable) conversations about what the act of spending represented to us and how we might go about finding a happy middle ground.

Meanwhile, I felt insecure and anxious, not knowing how much I was spending or saving. On the other hand, my partner wasn't taught to be aware of saving or budgeting and, as a result, found my financial style stifling. My parents always taught me to keep a strict budget, to pay myself first, and to put aside money (even a small amount) each month-because you never know what might happen. The security that comes with knowing that you have a financial cushion to use in an emergency is not something to scoff at-and it's something many U.S. 'Having this conversation helped us to set up the dynamic in our relationship, with financial matters, and then with our way of dealing with problems or other cultural differences that might arise,' Fadiloglulari adds. The two had to have some open conversations, during which they each recognized the cultural and behavioral differences between their attitudes toward spending. 'In a family-oriented culture like mine,' explains Yaren Fadiloglulari, a blogger from Cyprus, 'it's a sign of intimacy to take turns paying or a problem out of a small amount of money.' When Fadiloglulari's non-Cypriot partner, Antoine Corbillet, wanted to count nickels and dimes for each purchase, Fadiloglulari found it hurtful and cold. One thing we realized pretty early on, which came up in conversations with other couples who had also struggled, was that money can serve as a sensitive trigger for various other issues-security, for example, or trust. Here's how we did it and how you can, too. The good news, though, is we've figured out some tactics for putting an end to the arguments-and, even better, to help one another grow in the process. While my partner and I may have thought we were the only ones arguing about dollars and cents, this was far from true. A 2021 study by Fidelity Investments found that '44 percent of partners still say they argue about money at least occasionally.' If that weren't bad enough, a 2012 study found that financial disagreements were the 'strongest disagreement types to predict divorce.' When you begin to cohabitate, that can be a big problem. Still, the fact remains: Many of us get itchy when we talk about how much we do or don't make, how much we've saved, and what we're spending money on. The same study shows that Baby Boomers are less likely to feel comfortable talking about money and that comfort levels are slowly rising with each generation. A 2018 study found that 39 percent of Americans feel that salary and household income are off-limits for discussion with peers or friends. Many cultures treat finances as a taboo topic, not to be breached in polite conversation-and the United States is no different. The problem was that, despite this being a significant source of friction, we didn't have the language to speak about it productively.

Plus, it turns out: Money can be a metaphor for almost anything. We had each been raised in homes with different financial traditions, and the two of us had very different ideas about what money meant and how it should be treated.

Once my partner and I moved in together and began to share expenses, it seemed like every day presented more opportunities for conflict.

#Financial process for couples finances how to#

Dealing with money together-where it comes from, how to spend it, how to save, and if we should save-is a challenge for many couples.